


equilibrium

by AroJade (AlleyCatSunflower)



Category: Tales of Symphonia
Genre: Canon Compliant, Cross-Posted on FanFiction.Net, Developing Relationship, During Canon, F/M, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Minor Colette Brunel/Lloyd Irving, One-Sided Sheena Fujibayashi/Lloyd Irving, Relationship Study, Video Game Mechanics, working through trauma
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-23
Updated: 2020-09-01
Packaged: 2021-03-06 14:22:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,344
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26020333
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AlleyCatSunflower/pseuds/AroJade
Summary: Zelos and Sheena have several friends, but only the two of them share enough of the past to understand one another's most deeply rooted phobias. Though they can't fix the fears themselves, they can at least reassure each other of their support, and try to keep one another moving along the path of healing. (Even if they do get on each other's nerves sometimes.)Can be read as friendship or more than that, so tagged as both. Contains various spoilers.
Relationships: Sheena Fujibayashi & Zelos Wilder, Sheena Fujibayashi/Zelos Wilder
Comments: 3
Kudos: 7





	1. lightning

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Viisauden](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=Viisauden).



Darkness, but for a few short instances of blinding light: this is the Temple of Lightning.

Sheena starts shaking the moment she sets foot in that tower. Even Corrine's reassuring presence beside her, veiled from this world by a thin and intangible curtain of mana, isn't enough to soothe her suddenly restless soul. The memory of that strange and silent language buzzes like electricity in Sheena's head so that she can scarcely hear anything else, not even the thunder she fears so much.

Reflex carries Sheena through the battles they must fight along the way, her body moving without her conscious input. Though she tries to keep her head down, doing her best to center herself as they march through the temple, her thoughts still hover in the haze of eerie violet clouds, so close she could reach out and touch them. But then they step through a doorway and—they're gone.

 _Everything_ is gone. It's pitch black in here, and the space below them somehow blacker still. Even the fleeting glints of light aren't enough to pierce the gloom; Sheena can't see how far the drop is. It's enough to make her afraid of the dark, even now. (It wasn't like this last time.)

"Single file," orders Raine, her soft and serious voice almost drowned out by the next roll of thunder. "Hold hands, but let go if someone loses their balance. We can't afford for all of us to fall."

Lloyd leads the way, of course, forging ahead as soon as the next flash of lightning reveals the path. Sheena can't convince her feet to move quickly enough to get to his side, but anyway, who is she kidding? That's Colette's place, and she knows it— _knows_ it, so well that she can't be glad even for a moment that she isn't among them. After all, Sheena has never resented her for capturing Lloyd's heart. She's held it for years longer than Sheena has known either one of them.

Letting the others pick her position for her, Sheena finds herself at the end of the chain with one free hand, the other held by Zelos. She isn't thrilled with this arrangement, but at least he can't try anything funny, since Regal is bringing up the rear.

Slowly, slowly, they make their winding way along the stone platforms as carefully as though they're tightropes. The dizzying height, the deafening thunder, the interminable cycle of walking and waiting… it's enough to make Sheena think she might black out. She's already broken out in a cold sweat by the time they round the first corner, and her chest feels so tight she can barely breathe.

Trying to calm down by absorbing herself in soothing thoughts works at first, but it's not long before Sheena's mind stops paying attention to her body, and she stumbles numbly over her own feet. In the small part of her mind not consumed with panic as she loses her balance, she registers something curling around her wrist and gripping her shoulder. Strong hands, stabilizing her. And then, a voice.

"I'd say to watch out, but that won't do any good in the dark," quips Zelos, but his grasp is iron in velvet. He's trembling, she realizes. "You okay, Sheena?"

"I—I'm _fine_ ," she hisses, brushing Zelos's hand off her shoulder, and feels herself flush. Just her luck that he had to be the one to catch her in a moment of weakness. "Really. Now can we please keep moving?" Before Sheena has time to die of embarrassment. At least it's too dark for anyone to see how red she is.

"Whatever you say," says Zelos, sliding his fingers back down to Sheena's hand and squeezing gently. "Okay, guys, move it." He speaks as if it's somehow their fault for stopping. "Nothing to see here. Literally."

Sheena doesn't dare try to hit him when there's a risk of falling, so she settles for digging her fingernails into a couple pressure points in his hand instead. As Zelos's chuckle is cut off by a satisfyingly sharp intake of breath, she allows herself an exhausted smile and softens her touch. Still, she cannot bring herself to loosen her hold too much until they exit into the light.

* * *

Gradually, Sheena grows accustomed to the suffocating darkness and the multicolored lightning, the complexities of the puzzles they must solve. Faith in her friends keeps her upright, almost buoyant, through the challenges. Lloyd has not led them astray yet.

That confidence feels like a good thing for a long time, keeping Sheena's mind off the pact to come, but it does not last forever. As they enter another dark room they've just come through once already, the universe reminds Sheena once again to be careful. Her heart stops atop a narrow beam as she trips, a chill flooding her entire body as she realizes what's about to happen. Of all the times to twist her ankle—!

Sheena screams, no thoughts left in her head as she pitches sideways, but the long fall she anticipates does not come. Instead, someone hauls her up by the arm with unexpected strength, but she can feel the misstep, the shudder, the struggle to regain balance. It's Zelos again: the lightning flashes just in time for her to see him tilt back, eyes wide in terror, arms flailing like ineffectual wings.

"ZELOS!" His name tears itself from Sheena's throat.

"If I die, I'm gonna—!" calls Zelos frantically, his voice fading into nothingness as he disappears into the dark.

"ZELOS, _NO_!"

But there is only silence in response, save for the few reverberations of Sheena's voice, and the last roll of thunder.

"Sheena," says Regal behind her. His voice is as level as ever, but the slightest bit tremulous. It's the first time his tone has been anything other than calm and collected since they entered the temple. "I'm sure we'll find him later. For now, we need to press on."

Sheena doesn't think her legs will work anymore, paralyzed by fear, but she forces them to keep moving, catching up with Presea to grasp her hand tightly. She can't fall. Not after Zelos saved her. But when the next flash of lightning comes, she can't help but pause and peer over the edge anyway, though the shadows below them are as thick and dark as ever.

Once they're back in the light again, Sheena breaks into a run. She doesn't know where she's going, but she feels like she has to _move_ , to externalize the nervous energy pooling in her gut like an electric current. Colette's absence is distressing enough already that she doesn't feel that she can even attempt a pact with Volt if even one more of their companions is missing. Losing anyone else, especially if it's her fault, will break her.

"Hey, Sheena?" asks Genis's voice. "Where are we going?"

"The central room," says Sheena, still moving, and does not look back. Her tone is breathless, but she is surprised by her own steadiness when her heart is racing like this. "It's the lowest part of the main area. We can start looking for Zelos there." Genis says something else, perhaps to himself or another of their companions, but Sheena doesn't hear his words. Nor does she particularly care what he said, as long as he doesn't mean to stop her.

Even though Sheena enters the room with the intention of looking for Zelos, she isn't expecting to find him so quickly. She halts at the top of the stairs as she catches sight of him, lying motionless on the floor at the foot of that enormous pipe. How he got there from where they had been, Sheena doesn't know, but it doesn't matter in the moment.

" _Zelos_ ," she says, practically flying down the stairs to his side. She does not mean to whisper, but there is no longer enough strength in her voice to shout. By the time Sheena skids to a halt and falls to her knees beside Zelos, her fingers are shaking so badly that she cannot feel his pulse, her eyes shifting so that she cannot see whether he is breathing. All she can do is hold out the wild hope that he is only unconscious.

Sheena would be afraid no matter which of her friends had fallen, but she dreads even the thought of losing Zelos. No matter how obnoxious he can be, he has been a constant in her life for years. Long before she ever knew of Sylvarant—let alone met any of the others—Zelos knew the nature of her trauma, sympathized with her fear of abandonment, comforted her through thunderstorms. He has been there for her, so Sheena has to be here for him.

Zelos stirs faintly, and Sheena's heart leaps into her throat. "Sheena," he groans, eyes fluttering open, and she remembers to breathe again, though it sounds more like a sob. Zelos looks dazed for a moment before he focuses on her, and he sits bolt upright before wincing at his own sudden movement. "Sheena! You're safe."

"Thanks to you," mumbles Sheena and, for once, does not have the energy to worry about the others speculating on the nature of their relationship (again). "But I thought… we thought you'd…" Under any other circumstances, Sheena would be furious. She wants more than anything to yell at Zelos, to demand what made him do something so stupid and dangerous, but relief has made her far too weak to raise her voice.

"Yeah, I guess the angels took pity on me since I'm the Chosen One and all," says Zelos, yawning as if waking up from an ordinary nap, but then frowns as if just now noticing something. "Whoa, what's this?" he asks, moving his face slightly closer to Sheena's to peer intently at her expression. "Have you been crying?"

"N-no!" says Sheena, scrambling back, only realizing that her eyes are burning as he points it out. The humiliation of being caught kickstarts the response that should have been there all along, the indignation, the annoyance, the wondering how she could be so worried about losing someone like Zelos Wilder in the first place. The rush of emotion makes her feel alive again. "Why would I cry over an idiot like you? Something got in my eyes, that's all!"

Zelos grins. "They're called tears."

"I think it's safe to say he's fine," says Lloyd, or at least that's what Sheena thinks he said; she's too busy hitting Zelos to listen. He cries out even before she actually belts him in the shoulder, but even grimacing and rubbing his arm, he looks pretty cheerful for someone who thought he might wake up dead.

The others start back up the stairs with varying levels of exasperation and reassurance, each one of them preparing to activate the last lightning rod and face Volt, but Zelos only stirs in place and looks up at Sheena. The warmth in his gaze, as genuine as she has ever seen from him, disarms her in the moment, and she cannot look away. "Help me up?"

Though Sheena hesitates, she owes Zelos a lot, and she can't exactly refuse him after he took the fall for her like that, even if it wasn't a life-threatening situation after all. Feeling stronger now, Sheena extends her hand, Zelos takes it, and she helps pull him to his feet. His fingers linger on hers for a moment, but he soon rests them on her shoulder instead, glancing up the stairs at their other friends. "All righty then. Let's go make that pact."

Sheena takes a deep breath, recollecting herself. "Right." She knows the situation is no less dangerous than before, but it feels like the sheer relief of finding Zelos alive has lessened her fear of losing anyone else. Maybe she's just running out of adrenaline, but she can't help but feel more relaxed, even hopeful. Everything will be fine as long as she has her friends at her side.

Zelos must be thinking along the same lines, because when Sheena looks at him again, he nods for her to start moving first. "I'll be right behind you, hunny," he says, and she can tell from the sincerity in his tone that in the moment, that nickname is for her alone.


	2. ice

Cold, but for the momentary thrill of battle: this is the Temple of Ice.

The night they spent in Flanoir was a sleepless one for Zelos, and even with the designer coat and scarf and gloves and trousers and boots he bought while they were stocking up, he is still left shivering. It is not the frigid air that bothers him, not even when it burns his lungs, but rather the chill of his past.

Zelos is uneasy as soon as they disembark from the Rheairds again, hating the sound and feeling of the snow crunching beneath his feet. Only the bright blue sky keeps him in the present. There is no threat of snowfall as there was on that day. There is only the snow that has already fallen, and the enemies soon to follow suit.

Fighting is a welcome distraction at first, but sets Zelos on edge before too long. Maybe it's just his lack of sleep catching up with him, but the sound of Raine's magic reminds him a little too much of the attack that hit his mother, the attack that should have hit him. An attack by a half-elf. It's only thanks to Sheena, landing a hit on the enemy ready to kill him—yelling about how stupid he is, as usual—that Zelos snaps out of it.

But he still feels sick when he sees the red patches in the snow.

Once they finally enter the cavern, winds howl like lamentations, and Zelos glances uneasily around. He's the last person to be frightened by noises, being an avid teller of ghost stories in his spare time, but this place feels different. He can't even be concerned that the tip of his nose is the same shade as his hair; he's too preoccupied with memories.

Zelos's heart isn't in this for more reasons than he can count, but at least the cold seeping through his gloves as he moves blocks of ice into position is enough to keep him somewhat grounded. Still, every sound seems distant to his ears, and before long, he slips right back into memories. After all, his hands were cold back then, too.

It happened when he was Genis's age, didn't it? All he wanted was to spend some time with his mother—the woman who gave birth to him, but who left his upbringing to the nurses. A stranger whose rare smile meant more than most to Zelos. He wanted that, the day he dragged her out to play, but all she gave him was a grimace, blood in her teeth like smeared lipstick. And her last words, a condemnation that has echoed in his mind ever since.

For once, Zelos is glad that no one cares about him, because it means he can come back to himself without most of them noticing that he was ever gone. Only Regal and Sheena are looking his way as they reach the lakeside, and Regal looks away again so quickly it might have been coincidence. But Sheena does not, the faintest frown on her face. It's the same frown she gave him back in Flanoir.

Still, like Regal, Sheena doesn't say anything. In fact, she hasn't so much as threatened Zelos since they arrived on this continent. She just watches him out the corner of her eye. Sometimes he forgets she's from Mizuho. It's easy to forget the simple things when he's used to reading between the lines. But Sheena does wear her heart on her sleeve in ways that would make any self-respecting ninja blush, so Zelos has to forgive himself for thinking of her as just another girl.

Especially since, for all her observational skills, she hasn't noticed that he's been working against them the whole time.

Laughter draws Zelos out of his gloomy thoughts, and he looks around to see that Lloyd and Colette are running around like they've never seen winter before, playing with the Sorcerer's Ring. (Zelos _really_ envies that innocence, not that he'll ever admit it.) But as it turns out, even that can't freeze everything. Even after Lloyd directs its power at the water flowing in from outside, the lake remains persistently liquid.

Still, that shouldn't pose too much of a problem. Zelos has never been so glad that Lloyd is so gullible, because he had the accessory-shop man in Flanoir make him those special gloves almost as soon as they heard of them. All that remains is to pick some legendary flower.

The others head outside again immediately in search of it, but Zelos hesitates at the cave entrance, eyes fixed on the blinding white awaiting him. Imagining the crunch beneath his feet, he tries not to shudder, but at least he can pass it off as the cold when he fails. Even the thought of stepping out into that again is more than he can handle right now.

"Hey, stupid Chosen," says Sheena, her words stinging like frostbite, and Zelos looks up to find her waiting there. "You coming?"

"Yeah, of course," says Zelos, making an effort at a smile. "Just… give me a minute, all right? Gotta gather my thoughts."

Sheena sighs, her breath hanging visibly in the air. "Your thoughts wouldn't happen to be about the _past_ , would they?"

Her tone is just pointed enough that Zelos knows she knows. There's no use in making excuses if she'll just call him out on them, and no sense in frustrating her on purpose when her temper is short enough already. Yet he still can't muster the inner strength for an affirmative, so all that comes out is, "Maybe."

Sheena crosses her arms. "Aren't you the one who always tells me it doesn't do any good to worry about what's over and done?" Zelos scowls to let her know that was out of line, and for once, she relents. "I mean, I know it's not exactly easy to forget, but nobody's asking you to _forget_. Just to stop brooding for five seconds and help us look for that damn flower."

Zelos gives half a laugh. "You don't need me."

He means that in every way, and expects Sheena to agree—she's never been shy about telling him to his face exactly how useless he is—but she just glares at him. "Doesn't matter. You shouldn't split off on your own, just in case."

Her tone is every bit as stubborn as Sheena herself, and Zelos has never appreciated that more, but even her insistence isn't enough for him to follow her into the snow. "Then stay with me, because I'm not going back out there till we're done."

But Sheena just gives him a look and walks out without a word.

More than her departure, her silence cuts into him like a knife. Zelos stares after her, then chuckles to fill the void, leaning against the icy wall. He hates himself and the winter and this entire godforsaken world. But he doesn't hate Lloyd, even though Sheena is head over heels for him and will follow him places Zelos can't. It's _impossible_ to hate Lloyd, even though he's too dim to notice Sheena for as long as Colette is shining by his side.

Footsteps. Snapping back into his body, Zelos rests his hand on the hilt of his sword, preparing for a fight. Sheena steps back through the doorway with a card at the ready, just as prepared for battle, and they both freeze. Recognizing each other, they lock eyes and smile and for a moment, Zelos sees nothing but Sheena. "Back so soon?"

"Yeah, well, I had to tell the others we're staying behind, or they'd wait for us forever," says Sheena, moving forward to lean against the wall a couple feet away from Zelos.

Honestly, he's surprised that Sheena's hanging so close. She's near enough that he thinks he can feel her warmth, only she doesn't have much to spare. In fact, she's shivering. That's right; she doesn't do well in the cold. "Hey, c'mere."

Sheena turns her head and looks Zelos up and down warily. "Why?"

"You're cold, right?" asks Zelos, stepping away from the wall and spreading his arms in an open invitation. "I can fix that."

Sheena rolls her eyes, hugging her arms to herself instead. "If you really wanna play the gentleman, offer me your coat."

"What, now you want _me_ to be cold?" asks Zelos, pouting on purpose. "It's not my fault you didn't buy new clothes in Flanoir." Not that many of them did—just Zelos and Regal, really—but it's a good excuse to needle Sheena.

Sheena cracks her knuckles, the sound carrying through the cave. "Maybe tying you in knots will get me warmed up."

Zelos can _see_ Sheena trembling, and he could do with some reassurance, but their friendship has never been the kind in which physical demonstrations of affection come easily. For them, staging false arguments and putting up fights they don't mean is routine. Zelos just doesn't know for whose benefit they delay their own gratification anymore, since they can see through one another by now. Maybe it's just reflex at this point.

"Come on, don't be like that," he says, trying another tack. "Don't you know hugs reduce stress?"

Sheena opens her mouth, but her eyes catch on something in Zelos's expression, and she doesn't say anything. (He isn't half as good at concealing his needs as Colette.) Instead, she just reaches over to punch his shoulder. "You can just say you need a hug, Zelos."

"But every time I say that, you hit me," says Zelos, exaggerating his whine. This kind of light and half-friendly banter is the easiest way to keep himself from dwelling on dark things, and more importantly, to keep Sheena from worrying.

"Only because you make it weird every time!" Sheena stamps her foot, but Zelos can see through her exasperation. She's relieved he's keeping his spirits up, even if only in appearance. "You know what, forget it. I don't care if you need a hug or not." But as she speaks, Sheena turns her back, glancing over her shoulder.

Zelos, naturally, takes it as an invitation.

And Sheena doesn't move away. Not when he drapes his arms around her shoulders, not when he raises his chin to rest his head on hers. When she does move, it is only to take a breath and turn around in Zelos's loosened arms and hug him too.

With Sheena's gentle squeeze and pressure against him, Zelos feels something close to complete. He is no longer an abandoned child, but the Chosen One, here in the present and safe in a friend's embrace. He wishes in that moment that he were half as strong as Sheena—to stand with her when she needs him most, instead of siding with those likeliest to win. More than anything, he envies Lloyd's willingness to make a new path, his unshakable confidence in his companions.

Maybe, if he only had those, Zelos could catch Sheena's eye too.

After either an instant or an eternity, Sheena steps away. Her cheeks seem a little pinker, and she doesn't meet Zelos's eyes, but it's probably just the cold or the embarrassment. That's what he tells himself, anyway. She's too into Lloyd for it to be anything else. "Better?"

"Oh yeah." Zelos really does mean it, but that doesn't stop him from resting an elbow on her shoulder and leaning in conspiratorially. "But you know what'd help even more?" He grins at Sheena's mistrustful glance, an answer in itself. "A kiss."

"In your dreams!" exclaims Sheena, but there's something so jubilant about the familiar way she yells at him that Zelos laughs. Darting away from her punch in response, he leads her on a chase back through the cave. It's the first time since his childhood that he's understood the euphoria that cold weather can bring.

They stop to catch their breath on a natural bridge overlooking the lake, but it freezes over even as they observe it, ice spreading out from somewhere behind them. Turning, they find that the others have already returned, and then exchange a nervous look. Zelos can tell they're both thinking the same thing (albeit for different reasons): _I hope they didn't see us_.

Sheena snaps out of it first. "If it was that easy, I should have made you come with in the first place," she says, pressing her fist into Zelos's shoulder by way of punch. With that, she wins the round. "You ready to go?"

Even the question means more than Sheena will ever know. "As ready as I'll ever be," says Zelos, but the sight of her turning away is almost more than he can bear. She might die from shock if he thanks her with any kind of sincerity, but his genuine gratitude combines with his sudden worry in a way that demands he voice it. "Hey, Sheena?" asks Zelos, and his voice comes out more tentatively than he expects. Sheena must hear how serious he is, because she stops. "Thanks."

"For what?" asks Sheena, turning around with a frown.

That catches Zelos off-guard. Does she really not understand, even after all she just did for him? Or is that her indirect way of saying it was nothing? He recovers himself quickly. "If you don't know, then I'm not about to tell you."

"Yeah, yeah," is Sheena's vague and dismissive response, as she gestures somewhat aggressively for Zelos to follow her. "We'll get out of here as soon as we can." As Zelos catches up, Sheena smiles at him a little awkwardly, and he can't help but return the gesture. Here is a hint of summertime in the winter he dreads so much. "I promise."


End file.
